I gave birth to my beautiful rainbow baby girl back in July of 2023. I was elated to finally meet her. One, cause we had been trying for a while. Two because pregnancy was not an enjoyable experience for me. My postpartum journey was a whirlwind. I will talk about how I survived postpartum depression as a new parent.

Disclaimer: The statements made in this blog are not medical advice. If you need medical help please reach out to a physician or other medical provider. You may also contact the U.S. national crisis line by dialing 988. 

My Journey

Becoming pregnant

I found out I was pregnant on November 1, the day I started orientation for my new job. I was shocked, excited and nervous. My husband and I had been trying, but had an ectopic pregnancy earlier that year which made me want to stop trying for a while. 

The excited feeling was quickly drowned out by fear, extreme fatigue and the overwhelming feeling of trying to crawl out of my own skin. This lasted for months; basically the whole of my first trimester and some of my second. I was nauseous all the time and when I wasn’t dry heaving I just wanted to sleep. All while starting a new job. 

I will make another post about my pregnancy journey. This post is about mine and others’ postpartum experiences.

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links. This means that if you make a purchase through one of my links I earn a small commission, at no additional charge to you. You can read more through my disclaimer. 

Starting your postpartum journey with your little one and needing supplies. Click here or one of the other links below to get what you need.  

Becoming a new parent

My daughter was born two days past her due date. We were scheduled for an induction cause at this point I was done being pregnant. However, little one decided she was NOT going to have anyone tell her when she was coming out and labor started sooner than planned. 

By all accounts, my labor was pretty simple. I only had the nitrous oxide gas and a birthing pool of barely lukewarm water as my pain management tools. I was admitted around 9:40 am and baby girl arrived at 4:11pm. 

Once she arrived, I was so relieved. Not just because the labor was over, but because my pregnancy had ended and I could now see the daughter who I had felt growing inside me all this time. 

Postpartum Recovery Kit

Postpartum Starts

Before even leaving the hospital two days later, I could feel the anxiety starting. Baby girl would not sleep unless she was with me. Either latched or just laying on me. I joke all the time now about how the nurse who tried to give me a reprieve had returned apologetically with my baby who was disturbing all the other newborns with her constant crying. But, at the time, I was worried about how little sleep I was getting.

As you can imagine, this meant what little sleep I was supposed to get in the hospital post-delivery, was even less. Between the pressure to breastfeed every couple of hours and staying somewhat conscious while she was asleep on me, my mind was as exhausted as my body.

Home

Once home, I could tell my emotions were all over the place. My husband had two weeks off as he was set to begin a new job as an electrician apprentice. He was so helpful during this time. 

He helped with feedings, changings and whatever else I needed. However, in the back of my mind I would sometimes think about how he was doing something wrong. Sometimes it would be small things, like rocking her a certain way that she didn’t like or big things, like turning away from her on the changing table while reaching for something.

No matter the size of the situation though, my response would be explosive at times. I vaguely remember a visceral reaction I had when I did not like how he was driving us one day.

Those first couple of months were rough, it felt like we were constantly nit-picking and bickering with each other. I had read about the havoc birth can take on not just your body, but your mind and emotions. 

Postpartum Depression

At this point, I was not diagnosed with postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety. Every visit with my child’s pediatrician for the first 9 months had a screener for PPD. However, I felt the questions did not reflect how I was feeling.

The symptoms of postpartum depression include:

• Feelings of sadness, worthlessness, hopelessness or guilt.
• Excessive worrying
• Loss of interest in hobbies
• Changes in appetite
• Loss of energy or motivation
• Trouble with sleep
• Crying excessively
• Difficulty thinking
• Suicidal thoughts
• Lack of interest in your baby
• In some cases, thoughts of hurting your baby

However, months went by and I still felt like my emotions were all over the place. I was having medical issues that no medical provider I saw could seem to help with which was adding to my overall stress of being a new parent. 

So after yet another fruitless appointment with a medical provider I did what I always do, I researched. 

How I Survived

What I found

The first thing I noticed in my research was that there was not a lot of support for postpartum mothers. At least not in my country. I had seen where in other countries and cultures, women and men had more support. Either with more paid parental leave or having someone come in the home to care for mom and baby.

Read this article about postpartum care in Korea. 

What I did find on the internet was a lot of contradictory and sometimes judgmental information. After a researching session, usually while feeding my baby girl to sleep, I would have more questions to ask.

What helped

Then I came across two of the most helpful resources for my healing journey. The group Postpartum Support International and the book Mom Rage: The Everyday Crisis of Modern Motherhood by Minna Dubin.

PSI is a group founded in 1987 to “promote awareness, prevention and treatment of mental health issues related to childbearing in every country worldwide.”

They have online support groups and resources for mothers and fathers. 

Minna Dubin’s book enlightened me about postpartum rage, which I did not know was even a thing. You can listen to the book for free with a new trial subscription from Audible. Click here to begin.

Join online community groups also helped. The BabyCenter app has community boards you can post to. Topics range from breastfeeding to health.

CONCLUSION

The journey to parenthood can be joyous, but it can also be overwhelming, frustrating and terrifying. If you or someone you know is currently going through postpartum depression, anxiety or any other struggles click the links above.

Remember, it is okay to ask for help. 

Like this post? Share it! Then check out: 

The Common Questions to ask a Therapist, How to Help Someone Having Suicidal Thoughts