Death is one of the few things all humans experience. It is one of the many reasons a family may seek my therapeutic services. 

A child may be having a hard time due to the death of a loved one. Or parents are unsure how to talk to their kid(s) about the death of a loved one. 

In this post, I highlight some helpful resources for families going through grief. I also talk about the process I may use with families who are grieving in my office. 

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links. This means that if you make a purchase through one of my links I earn a small commission, at no additional charge to you. You can read more through my disclaimer.  

What is Grief?

Grief, as defined by the American Psychological Association, is

“the anguish experienced after significant loss, usually the death of a beloved person.”

Every person who experiences grief reacts differently. Children are no exception to this. Depending on the circumstances of the loss, grief can involve anxiety, confusion, inability to let go of the past, and uncertainty about the future. 

In 1969, Kubler-Ross created what she called the 5 Stages of Grief. They are listed as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. There is no linear path through these stages. A person may go back and forth between stages, jump around or stay in one stage for a long amount of time. 

How to Explain Death to Children

What to Do

Be direct. As a parent you may try to use analogies or metaphors to explain to your child that a loved one has passed. Some phrases I have heard include “[loved one] has gone to a better place” or “[loved one] got really sick.”

While this may seem the best way to explain things to your child, depending on their age, they may not fully understand your well-intentioned explanation. 

There is a reason medical professionals are trained to say our loved ones have died instead of using terms like “left us” or “passed on.” Those phrases allow our brain to live in the denial stage of grief. 

Resources

Below are some resources that can help you talk to your kid(s) about loss and grief. There are books, worksheets and more.

Books

The Memory Box. A Book About Grief by Joanna Rowland is a beautiful children’s book that talks about what the process of grief can be. It also has tips in the back to help a child through grief. 

Sesame Street has kits to help families who are grieving. Their When Families Grieve kit comes with a guide for parents and caregivers, a children’s story AND a DVD. Plus, the kit comes in English and Spanish.

Lifetimes. The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children by Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen discusses life and death by discussing the life cycles of other living creatures. 

The Invisible String series also has books that are great to talk with children about grief. They also have a book about the loss of a pet.

Worksheets

The website, www.therapistaid.com has tons of FREE worksheets that families can do to process the death of a loved one. I have used these sheets in many of my sessions. 

The Teachers Pay Teachers website may also have guides and worksheets for a fee.  

What I Do as a Therapist

How I approach working with a family experiencing grief depends on a few things. The child’s age, circumstances of their loved ones death and if they were there to witness the death.

For young children (ages 8 and under) I help them to create a storybook about their loved one. If they do not wish to create a story book then they can decide what to do. Some just draw a picture and others are fine just talking.

If the death of a loved one is sudden due to a car accident, murder or suicide then there will be a trauma component I add to the therapy sessions. I unfortunately have worked with children where their loved died through suicide or accidental overdose, while they were in the house. This makes grief even more complicated.

Lastly, I ask the caregiver that brought in the child if they too are engaging in some time of therapy service or grief support. This is important because you cannot fully support a child grieving if you are not also taking care of yourself.

When you get on an airplane and the flight attendants are going through their safety demonstration, one of the things they discuss is oxygen masks. They tell passengers to put their mask on FIRST before attempting to help anyone else. Why is this? Because if you pass out before getting your mask on, you cannot help anyone.

CONCLUSION

Grief is not a simple experience for anyone to go through, no matter their age. Hopefully these resources can help you and/or loved ones.

Like this post? Share it! Then check out: 

How Does Therapy Work, What Questions to Ask a Therapist